31 December 2009

[liff] Happy New Year … Except For This Lady

2283Craigslist is forever the placer deposit of awesome, and this ad (via Twitterer @portortraffic) will once again prove.

Just a hint: maybe New Year's isn't the best time to break up with your honey:



The text of the ad, which is at this writing still available at http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/zip/1532400449.html, runs, verbatim, as follows
I have a 1997 Honda Accord with a clear title. I just bought it for my wife but she is on meth AGAIN and I caught her cheating AGAIN. I cant do it anymore.So I am leaving and the car is going too.It is completely in my name so I can do whatever I want with it. I dont drive nothing but my truck and I want her to feel the pain. So first come first serve. I can not hold the car and I want it gone tonight even if I have to meet you half way.I am not going to wait until 2010 to better myself I am going to do it while 2009 is here!!! Please do not call if you cannot pick up tonight. I will as soon give it to a tow service or junkyard. The car drives enginge good 119647 miles the tranny was replaced 2 yrs ago by previous owner have reciepts.Only thing is it really needs to be cleaned it stinks to high heaven. The first night she got the car she and her friends smoked a ton of meth in there. So you will have to shampoo the entire car. I will be pulling it on my car hauler I cant stand the smell. Serious callers only. NO TWEEKERS.253.XXX.XXXX And despite what you might here in the background the car is going she has no say so. I have already verified with the police. She is just mad because she is leaving too. I can give you VIN number to check out with highway patrol when you call.
The phone number has been redacted to prevent crank calls, but moreover, if the offer is fo'reals, it's probably already gone by now. Free running cars being hard to come by and all that. Although the meth smell would be pretty offputting. Get out your bunny suit.

I flagged it Best of Craigslist. Because it's just that awesome.

Update at 19:20: It's gone now, deleted by author. C'est la guerre, mon cher.

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3 comments:

pril said...

hey i found another neato site. For the psycho word weirdo in us...

http://www.wordnik.com/

Samuel John Klein Portlandiensis said...

You show up when I least expect it. I like that sort of chaos.

That site is wicked fantastic, that's for sure. I oughta write about that …

pril said...

chaos is my middle name! lol

(my word verification thing was artabl. harf)