20 May 2014

[branding] While You Eat McDonald's, Its New Mascot Will Consume Your Soul

McDonalds, that symbol of the modern age, has a new mascot intended to encourage kids to eat healthier versions of its Happy Meals™. I'm sure it will encourage them to eat something, but it will either be Burger King, or their own hopes and dreams in some sort of existential terror.

They call it "Happy". And what it's happy from, exactly, I don't want to know.

Where to begin? Those eyes, those dead, dead eyes, devoid of emotion? The arms, like animated strands of pasta horror, waiting to grasp you? Or that mouth, that entry to the utter void of ravenous nothingness, seemingly torn from the living, with a darkness within that seems to be struggling to come out, like some poisonous misama driven to smother the living?

Gaze upon the horror, if you can:

Say hello to their little friend. They say it's popular in Europe.

There are a lot of things that are popular in Europe that don't have legs here.

Not even legs like those.

I'm not sure which horseman of the Apocalypse this is supposed to be, but it is one.  I know it!

1 comment:

Brenda said...


Or: Why I eat at Burgerville.

- The Wife™