27 October 2005

[net_life] Fear The Wrigles

As you may or may not recall (or care), I documented the first hint that wrigles may have plans against the human race in this post.

Read it first. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Done? Good.

Well, as I just found out, someone has redirected the original "Dentyne Ice" entry to a more coherent article, one that has such vital components as correct spelling and grammar.

This can only mean one thing.

The wrigles caught the security leak and closed it. Unlike our government, they are quick and effective...

While it may put me in some personal danger, I intend to stay on the beat, following the wrigle menance until, Kolchak-like ('70's version, that is, not that poncy-*ssed -0ughties poser) I have documented it and end up a rumpled, careworn reporter banging out stories on a 1942 Underwood, such is my dedication.

It's a promise, people. Stay tuned here for the latest on the impending wrigle menace.

6 comments:

stan said...

If you check the history of the original Dentyne Ice page, it appears as though the creator (wrigles facilitator, nuclear scientist?), FlareNUKE, suddenly realized that someone else had already made a page for Dentyne products, and changed the wrigles' text into a redirect.

FlareNUKE also edited the Dentyne page, apparently adding an image.

Just doing my reporter's assistant work, sir.

stan said...

It appears that gum exploits are not the extent of Wrigles's involvement in the world, though:

2003 Baghdad Bulletin article

Samuel John Klein Portlandiensis said...

Stan:

The fact that FlareNUKE operates with impugnity indicates that the wrigles no longer care whether or not the world at large knows what pefidy they are up to.

Truly now we are in the soup.

And the Baghdad Bulletin article only reminds me of the old joke which ends "Pandora...box. Box...Pandora."

'Tis no use to ask me the rest of the joke; I don't know. It's clear,however that we live in the interesting times that the proverb in the fortune cookie I ate late Monday (though the next fortune cookie has a slip which read "disregard previous cookie"; coinicidence? I think not).

At the last, you intone:

Just doing my reporter's assistant work, sir.

Indeed, Stan, indeed. Such magnificent heroism disguised as mere duty. You honor me. Though you do realize you are now marked for a grim fate...

Death? No, something much much worse. Unexpected midnight drop shipments of thousands of cases of Zagnut candy bars.

In the face of such doom, I salute you.

stan said...

Oh, I actually didn't read the article, I just looked at the first few words to confirm Wrigles' presence. Pandora's box will remain unseen, so I am probably safe.

I have never actually seen a Zagnut candy bar, outside of the movie Beetlejuice. "I got a little treat for ya!"


*salutes*


samkbf <-- appropriate word verification?

Samuel John Klein Portlandiensis said...

Stan:

Your careful reconaissance may indeed have saved you from the travail of the Zagnuts. Your discernment is a pleasant discovery.

Truly you are a comrade in arms. Maybe even legs. Anything more would be TMI, I think.

And, speaking of Zagnut, I never saw Beetlejuice, but I have seen a romantic comedy from the late '70s, Foul Play, with Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn. At one point, Chevy is suspected of a crime he didn't really commit, and is on the run. Coming on a service station, he sticks up the place because he's starving. Not for money, though; he has the attendant bust open the candy machine for him. The Zagnuts he recovers, alas, are stale.

Oh, and appropriate word verification? Yes, maybe more than you know. I will never be able to say how, but you've caused wheels to turn, and it looks like they will be turning fast enough for all of us.

My word ver-rhjnoiu-seems obscure, in a French-German sort of way. We may be all right after all.

Your sacrifice is duly noted. You may stand down; you are relieved, with gratitude.

Anonymous said...

THAT CHEVY CHASE/GOLDIE HAWN MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY "SEEMS LIKE OLD TIMES"
HE WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO ROB A BANK. SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY (CHARLES GRODIN) BUT USED TO BE MARRIED TO CHEVY CHASE. GREAT MOVIE