Sidling Back Up To Catholicism

Check out this blog post over at Pariah's about comfort in Catholicism. I am, in fact, a confirmed Catholic who has gone apostate, having not attended Mass for years and years. Also, though I have a perfectly legal union with a perfectly lovely The Wife[tm] and we carry out our marriage as though it were a gift from God, it was done under a Unitarian minister - who believes in God just as much as I, my wife, and any Catholic does, but since it was done outside the Church, the Church does not necessarily acknowledge it.

This is important personally because of late I have felt a gentle call back to the Church of my birth and baptism. I'm sure the reason is a mix of several factors: the craving for spirituality, the need to feel greater than what I am, the nagging feeling that I may very well have a soul, the ongoing awareness that I am a very self-centered and selfish person and I feel that, at least indirectly, harms others.

There is also a bit of reaction; the Church has endured travail, care and criticism lately, much of it deserved. The priests' treatment of children in the past (and the Church's sheltering of men who should have been punished) is a spot on the collective soul of the Church that must be addressed. The Catholic Church must own up to its responsiblity in the matter and must change. But, inasmuch as the mission of the Church isn't to abuse children, it deserves defense. I remain convinced that the Catholic Church is, by and large, composed of people who wish to make the world better and believe in God and Jesus Christ, just as sincerely and devoutly as members of any other Christian sect.

Perhaps the call I now feel is the desire to defend the faith of my baptism and add my own energy to the rebuilding that must happen.

I take a certain approach to religion that others may find baffling. I do not require proofs of Christ's exisentence, I do not require that the Bible be a literal account of creation and natural history. I do not expect religion to recapitulate science. I feel that religion is about cosmic purpose whilst science is about cosmic order. Science has no remit to verify or prove the Bible, the existence of Adam and Eve, that there was a Christ and that he died on the cross. And Christian faiths who have those tenets confound me greatly.

I believe the proper word for what I am is fideist. It was introduced to me by Martin Gardner in one of his fantastic books about science and frauds but never defined, but the root, the Latin word fide, I believe means "faith". I take the meaning of the word to denote an individual who holds that there are really some things that are really only reasonably accepted as faith.

I therefore do not need to travel to Glen Rose, Texas, anytiime soon. I do not feel that evolution is a dirty word, nor do I feel that it contravenes or blasphemes God in any way, shape or form. The picture of the Christian faith is itself evolving; as epochs pass God reveals more of his truth to us, as we earnestly seek to understand it and to mature as a species. In the same way, Science reveals more of the truth of natural history to us, as we mature as seeking beings striving to understand the Cosmos.

We neither know the whole story, either spiritually or scientifically. Some of us are courageous enough to be atheists, I, however, still crave the Creator. We, as a species, may grow beyond that. I don't know if it will ever happen. It certainly won't happen in my lifetime.