09 April 2013

[pdx_liff] The British Are Coming … For Our Smallest Park!

2917.There are some things with which a native-born Oregonian, up with which, shall not put.

This is the stuff to make the unicorns which died so that Portland might be cry.

A … well, you'll pardon the gradilocution … challenger has emerged. But about that, anon. This, of course, is the justifiably-world-famous Mill Ends Park, here in the middle of Southwest Naito Parkway, cross of Taylor Street in downtown Portland.

Sourced from thither. Photo, atul666.
Now, this is actually a park that should need no introduction. It was named after a column that Dick Fagan wrote for the late, lamented Oregon Journal, called "Mill Ends"; Fagan chronicled the doings of Patie O'Toole and his fellow fae folk in what was going to be a utility pole-hole. And from that auspicious beginning, it entered the hearts of Portland citizens, at 2 feet across, as an official city park (it's not a matter of opinion. It's the position of Portland Parks & Rec. They say it's a park, therefore it is; quod erat domonstrandum, matris futuor, as that esteemed hip-hop artist MC I$aac New-Jack-ton might have said).

But you know how it is. They see us rollin'; they hatin'. First they took the title of World's Shortest River from the D River in Lincoln City, a wound with runs … pretty deep. Now, they want to dethrone Mill Ends as the World's Smallest Park.

What scoundrels would do such a thing? What dastards, you may ask.

Well, you may ask. Go ahead.

Thank you. The British. Yeah. Those guys.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth, yeah? It seems that this little triangular park, Prince's Park, has stepped up as the pretender to the title. It's here (and here's an article about it)

View Larger Map

It's the little triangle in the center of the picture there. I used Google Maps's measuring tools and estimated it at about 10 metres on a side. It's in a locality called Burntwood, which is just adjacent and west of a place called Lichfield, Staffordshire, UK, where the civic pastime is apparently figuring out how to drop a buzzkill on The City Built on An Ancient Unicorn Burial Ground.

How very rude.

Well, I say, bring it. There's a risk in getting what you want; Let's say that they prosecute their claim and win. Where would the title move to? Burntwood, UK?

Wrong, and wrong. As some of you natives are aware, there's another notable micropark in Oregon. It's nowhere near as teensy as Mill Ends, but it's fairly large in smallness; it's Waldo Park, at the corner of Union and Summer Sts, NE, down in … Salem. Which, at 3.7 by 6.1 metres, would fit within Prince's Park. So, the title would still say in Oregon, not move to the UK.

But, like I said, bring it. Bring your seconds to Mill Ends; I'll bring my seconds. I warn you, though, my seconds are unicorns and, practically speaking, unbeatable. But you and your seconds; me and my seconds. And on that fateful day, we'll look each other in the eye and …

Hell, I don't know. Go off and  have a microbrew.

We have some killer beers around here, you know.

Read the article at Litchfield Live, where I have commented (representing, yo!):  http://lichfieldlive.co.uk/2013/04/09/worlds-smallest-park-draws-on-luck-of-the-irish-to-see-off-burntwood-challenge/

Glorified flower pot!? Indeed! How very uncouth!

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