In Which I Sell A Design. As In, Get Paid For It.

3517A.

So, some time ago, during the last year of this time of extreme dexterity, I thought that the chances of being Presidented over by one less-than-impressive Republican vs another less-than-impressive Republican meant that maybe D.F. Jones had the right idea all along, and I created a graphic.

This graphic:

Doesn't it just kind of speak to ya?

Last week, I was contacted by a representative of an organization in Seattle called Living Computers: Museum + Labs. They're doing a showing of Colossus: The Forbin Project for First Thursday and they wanted to do a limited run of stickers as giveaways to people who came. And after they checked all the stuffs to make sure everything was on the level, we came to an agreement.

There is money resting in my PayPal wallet as a payment for the use of the design for the sticker giveaway. They are also looking into using it for other things, and I will keep the errant reader posted on that.

But it's nice not only to get paid for something, but to interact with a group that understands that, if you want to use something, the first thing you do is ask. From what I'm hearing out there, that's getting rarer and rarer. So these are indeed sterling people.

If you go see Colossus at the museum in SoDo you might not meet me, but you'll meet my work. It'll be fashionable, too. Who knows where those stickers will show up?

Yeah. I'm happy here. Thanks, Living Computers!  

[cartoon] Spiral Notebook Comics Binge Watches The West Wing

3412.

John E. Williams (no relation), a comic artist of great amounts of ilk, has entertained before with a look at Law and (dunkdunk) Order. Now, on TV hour at Spiral Notebook Comics, he takes a rocket ride through any given episode of The West Wing, in which we may or may not get the answers to questions like this:

The writing is as sharp as a very sharp thing. Hie thee hence:

http://times5online.com/westwing/westwing1.html.

It's in a spiral damn notebook, y'all!

[news design] The Willamette Week Goes Full Enquirer

3403.

The cover of this week's Willamette Week tells us that it has endoresments for the political derby, but tells us in a way that totally reflects the bizarre, chaotic, lurid thing that the presidential race 2016 has been:

They're satirizing the National Enquirer and the Star with equal wit, and in a tone-perfect way.

The endorsements are a rather bewildering lot that may leave you with a slow burn in some places, but the cover's suitable for framing. 

[funnay] Fish Wielder: High Fantasy, Meet J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison, Your New Court Jester.

3348.

I suspect that there are depths to the epically silly tale I've not yet found. It opens itself up on repeated viewings like a … what are one of those many-petaled flowers, you know, the ones you see in Japanese design?

Chrysanthemums?

Yeah, right. That's it.

This is another way of saying our friend J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison has finally released his novel Fish Wielder and we've read it, almost twice now, and it is just about everything we've hoped it would be. Which sounds glib in this era of everyone writing superlatives on everything, but which totally fits here.

Fish Wielder is the story, of course, of Thoral Mighty Fist and his quest to prevent The Heartless One … the Grand Master of the Bad Religion … from tracking down and consuming the Pudding of Power, a treat that was created a thousand and two years ago by the Dark Lord Mauron and whose consumption would enable the eater to command another piece of jewelry and conquer the land of Grome somehow. He manages to complete his quest with a cast of characters every bit as absurd as you can name, including elves, because it's not a fantasy epic without dignified, very very important elves. There's also the talking koi, claustrophobic talking horses, young elf-warrior-maidens with hilarious names, assassins that can't assassin straight,  running gags done right, and magic practice that was born on the Food Network.

In this world, if Gordon Ramsay yells at you about how undecooked the pudding is, you'd best pay attention.

The book is over-the-top in almost every good way. It describes itself as 'kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia, written by the guys to made Monty Python and the Holy Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might Be Giants'. It's only an unfair description in as much as it doesn't cover all the marks it hits and decisively rubs out. I detect hints of Hitchhiker's Guide in there (Thoral always seems to have a towel at the ready), for instance. It starts out fast and furious; within two chapters we're not only introduced to our hero and his second but his first set of assassins do themselves in with comic timing not seen since the Three Stooges.

The story's greatest magic is in timing, pacing, and the way all the jokes link together in the way a fine clockwork does. There is a ton of stuff going on here, and the layers all work well together. There are reveals you don't see coming that are made at just the right moment, and eventually you realize that all characters are just as they look, but not as they seem. And, all along, Jim's deftly orchstrating all the reveals and the homages, and he's winking at you, knowing you'll get the joke.

If I had to pin down the style, I'd say the best parallel would be Police Squad!. The show only lasted for six episodes, and the reason legendarily given is that it was because you had to actually pay attention to the show. Fish Wielder's humor is just as witty and non-stop as the Zucker-Abrams-Zucker Airplane! school of comedy.

All of which finally means that high fantasy, which needs a new court jester, has found one. Fish Wielder should share a shelf with Aspirin, Anthony, Pratchett … It's a world that's a very intelligent joke.

Publisher: Fiery Seas Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9968943-1-9
Retail Price: $16.99, Kindle Ebook: $7.19
Learn more of the world of Thoral and Bradfast at the book's site, http://http://fishwielder.com/.
The book's Amazon page can be found at this link here, available in both dead-tree and ebook. 

[comics] What We're Still Loving: The Helm

3265.

We're a bit late to the party on this one. But we stumbled on it in meeting a wholly witty person. Therein lies the tale.

During OryCon last, we stumbled upon a man billing himself as J.R.R.R. Hardison. Little did we know. He was promoting a book … but I'll not get ahead of myself. To promote himself, he was distributing copies of the comic he wrote, The Helm (with heroic art and Frazetta cover homage by Bart Sears). I thumbed through it, and, as though by fate, a sequence hooked itself right into my cortex.

It's just after our main character … Mathew Blurdy … has gone through the worst part of his no-good, very bad, terrible day. Not only has his girlfriend dumped him, publicly and humiliatingly, at his place of work … a DVD rental shop … his inability to keep it together there immediately and subsequently cost him his job. A miserable mess, the now-unemployed, now-nodding-lonely, 30-year-old, overweight manchild manages to intersect with an eerie, almost-comically portentious garage sale. A whim draws him hither, where he meets the titular artifact, which calls to him in only a voice he can hear.

Mathew is the Chosen One. But The Helm's vision is cloudy, that day … and once it sees what doughy clay it has to work with, tries to reject him, all but saying I said GOOD DAY, sir! And, in the frame after, after the garage sale's equally-creepy proprietor (who figures mightily in a crucial way much later) tells him bluntly to put the merch down unless he intends to buy, a bronze, chiseled hunk of a brick house appears as though fated to be, and asks to look at a sword. The Helm, tellingly, speaks not to him.

The hunk so distracted, the chunk steals away with The Helm.

That, friends, the sort of deft comic timing I enjoy. The joke may not be complex, but the telling is timed like a precision time piece. And that's the sort of comic timing that made the comic worth the possessing.

I've read it many times since; if I was going to write about it, I want to do it justice, but the subtext that sticks with me is that Mathew Blurdy is terribly believable. He gets the superpower, he slowly learns to pay the cost; like most mortals, he certainly didn't genetically know what to do next and stumbles about with it like a 6-year-old kid who just got the keys to a Lamborghini. But somehow, chaotically, when the moment presents itself, he goes with his considerable gut and shows he has what he needs just when he needs it. He ends the adventure changed a little, but not significantly, and The Helm, realizing it's stuck with him, does the best that it can with what it has to work with.

Everything and everyone in this play is so perfectly imperfect.

It's that comic timing and grasp of the absurdity that is people that give me high hopes for Jim's upcoming novel, Fish Wielder. The wit of The Helm's writing shows an aptness for writing sharp satire. I don't think I'll be disappointed, but the wait … the book's due out in August of this year. But, if the story's good enough for Piers Anthony to glowingly recommend it, and if the comic's good enough for Harlan Ellison to be delighted by it, then it ought to be good enough for anyone.

Holy crap, Jim! You did all the LOLs!

Contact Jim on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jim.hardison.75

[art] If Shepherd Fairey Had Met Bob Ross …

2780.Maybe agitprop history might have been a bit different:

Inspired by Shepherd Fairey's OBEY GIANT;
Image of Bob Ross rendered from BRI Logo (via BRI):
above image intended as homage only and is
not for sale.

[liff] The Bicycle Diaries: The Medieval Bicycle?

2468.

We PDX veloxiraptors fancy ourselves the modern example of the evolved two-wheel, people-power pilot, but what if it was found that bicycles, rather much like today's fixie, existed back in the 1500s?

The bicycle is the one in the pit on the left here:

... and the full story is here:

• http://riowang.blogspot.com/2009/05/in-velox-libertas.html

And remember, they can't put it up on the intartuebz without it being reals, yo.

Technorati Tags: Internet hoaxes, bicycles, cycling, velox

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[liff] Jane Austen's Mafia!

2453.

Via a couple of Facebook friends, here's a marching band detachment I have no intention of getting in the way of:

The Regency will never know what "hit" it.

If the photog finds me showing this off and wants credit, let me know who you are and I will comply. I wouldn't want any  of these ladies coming after me. They look like they mean business.

Technorati Tags: Jane Austen, teh funnay, liff, metareferential things

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[map design] A Nation Where Boring, Oregon Stands Tall

2433.

Latterly having caught our eye, a map of the USA which includes towns like Boring ... and only towns like Boring:

© 1987 D.Jouris/Hold the Mustard. All rights reserved.
The copyrighted image may not be reproduced, altered, or transmitted in any format
Clicky on the map to embiggen.

Boring stands tall in the Pacific Northwest, but an Oregon labeled "Boring, Remote, Needy" sounds more like an advertisement than a gripe. As a native Oregonian, I can tell you this.

Hold The Mustard sells many such cards and most are quite teh funnay.

Thank you to David Jouris for the permission to post.

Technorati Tags: design, map design, teh funnay, hold the mustard, map satire, map humor, boring oregon

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[design satire] How Is The BP Deepwater Horizon Accident Like The Vietnam War? Updated/Retitled

(NB: This post was updated with new information about the now-famous Twitterer BPGlobalPR and retitled because the old post title ... well, kinda sucked. 3 June 2010 0150Z)

2427.A couple of other bp logo riffs were brought to my attention by readers, and given the state of the zeitgeist over this, I find them shareworthy.

Warning: one of these images touch issues that may offend and raw language is used. Proceed down to the end of this posting at your own risk!

Showing, once again, that graphic design communicates with a punch, reader Ira Nayman, a comedy writer up in Toronto, used this graphic to illustrate a particularly trenchant Frequently Asked Questions list about the Deepwater Horizon disaster:

Graphic by Ira Nayman, Les Pages aux Folles.

The symbolism is obvious and if it doesn't seem as "clever" as other productions you may have seen, remember context is everything: It is, as mentioned, embedded within a particularly darkly humorous and sarcastic FAQ file of questions about the Deepwater Horizon event, which can be read here at is Les Pages Aux Folles blog:

http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca/index.phtml?pg=10&chap=2483

More germane to the title of this post is this following image. This other one was pointed out to me by Kevin Allman, the NOLA/PDX/NOLA again writer who's published some nifty books as these days holds down a job at the New Orleaniean alt-weekly The Gambit as editor. This following image gives you some idea of how at least some of the population of the Crescent City is feeling these days, and it's understandable as it's not exactly been the best decade for them down there. It's great "anger graphics", as it combines the BP logo with one of the most potent and famous images from another place and time where the concept of just what America is doing in its own name became a matter of sheerest debate (note, the image was cut down from a screen clip, excluding just enough of the strong verbiage on the sign to make you have to figure out what it was. If you need to see the whole thing, go to The Gambit's BlogOfNewOrleans here: http://blogofneworleans.com/blog/2010/05/30/bp-oilspill-protest-draws-hundreds-to-french-quarter/

See the entire protest and graphic at
http://blogofneworleans.com/blog/2010/05/30/bp-oilspill-protest-draws-hundreds-to-french-quarter/. Via BlogOfNewOrleans.com. Illustration only: copyright remains with creator.

I thought those silhouettes looked familiar, and turns out they were: they were taken from this picture, taken by Pulitzer Prize winner Eddie Adams on 1 February 1968, otherwise known to students of military history as the Tet Offensive, in the Vietnam War, and perhaps one of its most famous images:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f9/Nguyen.jpg

You think the residents of New Orleans feel strongly about this?

And I can't really ask the question I posed in the title, I'm afraid. The aptitude of the artist impresses me, but maybe it's just they felt an ugly event needed an equally ugly bit of zeitgeist to back it up.

I don't care how you feel about BP, oil, or the Vietnam War, that's chewy food for thought. Might be bitter for some, I warrant.

Blogsmooches to Ira and Kevin for the input on the logos.

One thing that ought to be touched on before I move on is that there is first-class spoofery going on on Twitter. Of course, this is news to very few, but I was one of the first 10,000 to follow the spoof account @BPGlobalPR (considering how they've become news, this is kind of ahead of the curve) who has a steady stream of wry spoofery masquerading as the public relations of a tone-deaf global energy giant endlessly fumbling what's becoming the most important environmental disaster in the USA's history.

The funny part - such as funny goes in this situation - is that the actual BP has a Twitter stream - @BP_America. BP America has almost 10,000 followers.

@BPGlobalPR, on the other hand, has over 100,000. Just like Colbert and Stewart, people see more truth in the jokes - and maybe more jokes in the truth.

I sense a seriously jaundiced population here.

And so it goes.

Technorati Tags: BP, New Orleans, NOLA, Deepwater Horizon, Graphic Design, Logo Design, Graphic Design Satire, Satire

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[logo design] BP Logo Satire - Beyond Petroleum Logos

2424.The relentlessly-unfolding BP-Deepwater Horizon environmental catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico influences minds and the public discourse in unpredictable ways. And, in the case of graphic designers, they unleash a humor as dark as the crude that's invading the Gulf waters.

Greenpeace UK is holding a competition called "Behind the Logo", an agitprop effort to come up with a new version of the now-somewhat-awkwardly tagged BP logo that more accurately, they feel, reflect what they see as, if not the company's vision, suggestive of what they feel the company's vision may result in.

Interestingly enough, the competition wasn't brought on by the Deepwater Horizon disaster but BP's effort to develop Canadian tar sands. It has, however taken a turn in that direction, and given the outlook, how could it not have?

The Beyond the Logo competition's Flickr stream is at http://www.flickr.com/photos/greenpeaceuk/sets/72157623796911855/, along with a link to the contest for those so inclined to find out about it (If you're a USAian, I doubt you're eligible for entry, but who knows?). Also, I'll remind the less left-leaning amongst my reader that this is Greenpeace, and if they've irritated you in the past, they won't make you any less mad here.

But the Gulf of Mexico tragedy is so remarkable ... who can tell what anyone thinks anymore? Maybe you just like your thoughts challenged about such a thing. Herewith, a selection of the ones that caught my eye.

They go from the obvious:

... and ...

This image suggests what the maker thinks perhaps what the energy company is selling the public:

Others combine wordplay and juxtaposition:

Still others are cheeky and abstract:

And it was a matter of time, I think, before someone came up with something downright nasty:

... those who understand what the word "goatse" means will get this joke. Those who don't, count yourself lucky. Don't put "goatse" in teh Google. You will regret it. No, I'm not actually daring you here. I'm serious.

And, they didn't forget the retro:

And this one just made me say "wow":

Another listing is available via TwistedSifter here: http://twistedsifter.com/2010/05/funny-creative-bp-logos-competition/. Has several from the flickr stream and some I didn't see there.

Interesting times, mah peoples.

Once again, the link to the Greenpeace UK flickr stream is http://www.flickr.com/photos/greenpeaceuk/sets/72157623796911855/.

Technorati Tags: logo, logo design, graphic commentary, humor, criticism, modern times, BP, Deepwater Horizon, Gulf Of Mexico

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[design] The Hipster NYC Subway Map, with Connections to Prague and PDX

2418.From Twitterer @FakeMTA, via Dave Knows PDX (@daveknowspdx) we give you the Hipster-friendly NYC Subway map (clicky on the piccy to embiggen)

On the upper right, you have connections to Prague, and the left branch takes you straight to glorious PDX (distance: 2,897 miles). Lines end in locations like "Talk about going here", "You Passed Out Again", and "Mom's House".

Teh funnay? You bet.

Technorati Tags: graphic design, transit design, teh funnay, visual humor, visual puns, hipster culture, PDX, NYC

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[writery] Young Dr. Spock, Paging Young Dr. Spock

2411.When I was a kid, one of the first memories I have was watching Star Trek on a Silvertone black and white console TV.

I didn't know the alien was green for a very long time.

Thus begun years of correcting my elders: "No, Mom, it's Mr. Spock. Not Dr. Spock"; "No, Mom, it's not Captain Spock, it's Captain Kirk, Mister Spock ... no, that's Mr. Spock, not Dr. Spock ... "

And so it went. Now, I was alive long enough ago to know who Dr. Spock was. If you'll recall, he was the pediatrician who gained fame for a book, Baby and Child Care, as was blamed by a lot of rural, John Bircher, and old-fashioned old-school parents for creating the so-called "permissive" childrearing approach.

Kind of the opposite of a Vulcan child-care expert, actually, if you think about it.

But you'd think we'd be beyond the name confusion, tho? Heck, no, not even caaa-lose!. Today, at the website The Celebrity Cafe, in announcing the cancellation of Heroes, enumerated the achievements Heroes alums have notched, including Zach Quinto's assistance in the recharging of the Star Trek mythos:

The text, which still reads of that as of this writing, is as follows:

Several of the show’s breakout cast members such as Ali Larter, Hayden Panettiere and Zachary Quinto found success on the silver screen during the show’s tenure. Quinto was cast as a young Dr. Spock in the 2009 remake of Star Trek,  which was one of the year’s biggest hits and he is expected to reprise the role in the expected 2012 sequel.

Quinto was cast as young Dr. Spock. Wow.

After I unrolled my eyes (I mean, how lame can you be – you're a website, reporting on TV shows, operating over an Intartuebz that is a result, largely, of Star Trek geeks ... and you can't get TV's most famous alien's name straight?!?) I actually thought it kind of reminded me of those golden-era medical soap opera dramas.

With that in mind, let's look in on a long-lost scene of that medical serial Young Dr. Spock, brought to you by Tide (Tide's In, Dirt's Out) ...

CUE ORGAN MUSIC. ORGAN MUSIC FADES.

INTERCOM: Young Dr. Spock, Young Dr. Spock, you're needed in pediatrics, Young Dr Spock ...

DR SPOCK ENTERS R, ENROUTE TO PEDIATRICS. SUDDENLY, CHRISTINE CHAPEL, R.N., FRANTICALLY CALLS TO HIM FROM NEXT TO A GURNEY ON THE L.

CHAPEL: Young Dr. Spock! Dr. Spock! Please, come quickly! You're the only one who can help this patient!

SPOCK: Illogical, Nurse Chapel, as this is the premier hospital in the district, employing more than 150 medical professionals. Certainly there are other physicans who can be of as much assistance.

CHAPEL: No, young Dr. Spock! This is a problem that only your unique experience can shed any light on.

SPOCK: Very well, Nurse. (SPOCK RETRIEVES THE CHART FROM THE GURNEY. THE PERSON UPON IT IS MOANING; AMONGST HIS CLOTHING THE VIEWER CAN SEE A BELT BUCKLE READING SS BOTANY BAY. AFTER REVIEWING THE PATIENT'S CHART, DR SPOCK RETRIEVES AN OTOSCOPE FROM HIS VEST POCKET AND SHINES ITS LIGHT INTO THE PATIENT'S EAR. HE RAISES AN EYEBROW) Hmmm. Fascinating. (MAKES NOTES ON THE PATIENT'S CHART, RETURNS IT TO ITS POCKET) Nurse, your illogical summoning of me was a logical move. You are correct. It's a Ceti Alpha eel, but we may have caught it in time. Put this patient on 15 cc's of quadro-triticale stat. I am due in pediatrics. The drug should stablize him until I return.

CHAPEL: But, doctor ... can you save him?

SPOCK: Affirmative. Prognosis is excellent and indicates a full and logical recovery.

CHAPEL: Thank you, young Dr. Spock!

DR SPOCK ATTEMPT TO EXIT L, ON WAY TO PEDIATRICS, A BEAMING AND ADORING NURSE CHAPEL WATCHING AFTER. HE IS STOPPED JUST BEFORE HE CAN LEAVE BY THE HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR, MR JAMES KIRK.

KIRK: Spock! I ... need to speak to you ... immediately! These ... Medicare reimbursements are ... throughtheroof! What ... are we gointodo ... about it!?

SPOCK: Sir, those are records of successful treatment. All of my patients have made sastisfactory recoveries. This is, logically speaking, a maximum benefit for the taxpayer's dollar.

KIRK: That may be ... SpockbuttheFedsare ... coming to audit. They are sending thier ... top auditor a man who ... isruthlessastheycome, I believe his name is ... Khan N. Singh!

CLOSE ON YOUNG DR. SPOCK'S FACE AS HE TURNS TOWARD THE CAMERA, RAISING A SINGLE EYEBROW.

SPOCK: Fascinating.

BRING UP ORGAN MUSIC. FADE TO COMMERICAL.

It needs polishing, but I think I could sell this.

Damn shame it's not 1955. I would have liked to have met Jack Paar.

Technorati Tags: Dr Spock, Mr Spock, Mixed-up Names, Star Trek, TV

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[design] How Is The Author Of XKCD Like John Stump?

2398.Well, there is one way: the Author of XKCD needs no introduction, while you'll probably be scratching your head over the name "John Stump".

And that's not really a commonality, is it? No.

But they do have something important in common – a firm grasp of communicating comedy through a limited canon of symbols.

Today, XKCD posted the funniest electronic schematic I've ever seen. Here it is:

Clicky on the image to go to the entry and see it embiggened. I've had some basic electronics, so this is a howl. A 5-ohm decoy resistor? Sure! A switch marked "Hire Someone To Open And Close Switch Real Fast"? Oh, yeah-job creation! I'm not sure what the bullfighting arena is supposed to do, but I notice there's a "120 Ohm (or to taste)" resistor - as well as a gap labelled "touch tongue here", just daring you. 666 timer chip? Yeah, always suspected computers were the work of the Devil.

John Stump knew, in the same way, how to exploit the conventions of notation to deliver in-jokes. For years, famous around music departments on campuses, was a sheet of music entitled Faerie's Aire and Death Waltz, just waiting for the unsuspecting eye to get drawn in.

The score contains amazing notations, lines arcing to and fro, and bizarre stage and orchestral directions, including Lakers in 6, add bicycle, release the penguins, and ending on the emphatic direction Gradually slide from 12-bar blues to a more Vivaldi-like cadenza. Intonation!

It's a generous piece, allowing some violins to knock off early if the 3rd Clarinet shows up.

The above calls for a light and airy delivery, but this multiple-note collision is so intense that only a little farther along, one must apply ice to the cornet.

Naturally, the piece isn't meant to be played, but just meant to play with the readers mind. But John Stump knew the mode so well, he could make it sing with absolute ridiculousness by working within the canon of musical notation and typesetting styles, and delivered the joke so well that even musical tyros could enjoy it.

What exactly makes it funny is hard to put one's finger on – this was John Stump's unique talent. Faerie's Aire (noted early on that it was "arranged by accident" and was derived from an ancient Cro-magnon skinning chant) and XKCD's circuit digarams are amazing satires crafted by artist who understood exactly what it was they were lampooning – and that what makes them ring so true.

John Stump died in 2006, perhaps not knowing how far the joke had travelled. Very well-done versions of his most famous works – Faerie's Aire, String Quartet No. 556(b) For Strings in A Minor (Motoring Accident) and Love Theme From Prelude and the Last Hope in C and C# Minor (from the opera March De L'oie (March of the Ducks)) are documented and can be seen at the blog Lost in the Cloud and the family still offers high-quality prints of these sheets via the links listed hither:

• Visit and/or buy prints at http://faeriesaire.com/ 
• View the scores and read commentary at the entry at "Lost In The Cloud" at http://lostinthecloud.wordpress.com/2010/03/13/john-stump-composer-of-faeries-aire-and-death-waltz/
  

Technorati Tags: John Stump, XKCD, Visual Humor, Visual Puns, graphic design humor, graphic humor

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[satire] The Onion's Short National Nightmare Is Over

2170.The Onion is now back to normal, displaying the banner of a "former subsidiary of Yu Wan Mei".

Good to know.

The material published during the paper's Great Leap Forward can still be viewed however:

http://www.theonion.com/content/china

This was one of the best design gags ever!

Technorati Tags: design, teh funnay, The Onion, Yu Wan Mei

[funnay] Looks Like Fish Time Might be Coming To an End Soon …

2167.As it turns out, the acquisition of The Onion by Yu Wan Mei Salvage Fishery and Polymer Injection Group might not be panning out as well as hoped:

Now, our most pressing concern is what to do with ream upon ream of useless newsprint, unfit even for lining the floors of a monkey cage.

Yet some dim light flickers still from a lamp fueled by the rancid oil of the midden cod: Our newly purchased, wholly unwanted newspaper is based in the United States, a nation that allows 15 percent “cellulose filler” to be added to any fish protein matrix used for frying—and frying is that very nation’s only method of fish cookery! Truly, for the agile business mind, fortune is a viscous, greasy medium, free to flow everywhere. With that in mind, take notice: the Onion newspaper is for sale.

Looked good on paper, I guess.

Technorati Tags: The Onion, Yu Wan Mei, Fish Time, It Fish Time

Yu Wan Mei: Fish Time Is Success Time

2158.With the economy and the world the way it is, it's good to know that one company has proven itself to to have the insight and long view to monetize the salvage fishery sector for the betterment of all. That company: Yu Wan Mei:

Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Group is dedicated to harvesting the ocean’s great aquatic bounty to bring residual fish and fish-related nourishment and substances to honorable consumers across the globe. Through research and care, Yu Wan Mei has developed expertise in a number of the latest fish-extraction techniques, pleasing all who consume its line of healthful, pleasing products. Laborers and machines work in harmony at Yu Wan Mei, ensuring unparalleled achievement in all possible arenas.

This is why SATISFACTION is synonymous with YU WAN MEI

What sorts of helpful, healthful, pleasing products will you consume that will contribute to your robustness? Well, how about:

• Gel Made with all ingredients, this gel is perfect for any occasion. Child and adult enjoy it equally, sometimes, as do even pets! If you need gel, buy this gel.
• Yu Wan Mei Device The device has been completed and is now available for sale. Code 41-Virtue-00B
• Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste Any meal or food can be a better meal with the magic touch of the Miscellaneous Flavor Paste spread on it! It is strongly recommended that you buy two, because of the compelling power of this product.

How can you resist? I know I can't!

Fish time is Success Time! And I, for one, welcome our new fish by-product masters.

Man, I tell you, this stuff is just like reading The Onion.

Technorati Tags: Satire, The Onion, Yu Wan Mei, Fish Time

What Microsoft's New "Bing" SHOULD Have Looked Like

2072.If you're going to call something "Bing", I think there should be some "Bing" in there, I think:



What I say is, you need to either go "Bing" or go home.

The image is PD, gotten from here. Ribbing MSFT is, of course, a cultural imperative.

Technorati Tags: Bing, Microsoft, Microsoft Bing, Bing Crosby, Visual Puns, Teh Funnay, Photoshoppery

Come Watch Me Botch Up Twitter, Too.

2064.This is something I so don't plan on taking seriously:

http://twitter.com/SJKPDX

Because it's not like I do anything important or interesting, so I just act out. Pretty much same-ol'-same-ol'.

Technorati Tags: Samuel John Klein, SJKPDX, Twitter

Mind The Gap

2051.My current obsession with TriMet Maps (and cosmopolitan transit map styling)(and ideas for map pastiches and parodies I've been mulling)(sorry about all the parens) invariably led me to the world-famous London Tube Map. You can get a look at the whole magila here (Transport for London guards the copyright with the ferocity of a lion, an ire I wish not to arouse ... the illustration right is sized really teeny, for illustration-y purposes). It's not only much loved and much imitated, it lends itself to a great deal of ... well, pastiche and parody.

By far the funnies one is a very simplfied map loaded with Brit-funnay that I understand only because of a steady multi-year diet of Britcoms (and a wife who's an Anglophile). It was orginally published in a BBC book called Have I Got 1997 For You, and I've found it displayed in quite a few places on the web. It's too good not to share, so I'll post the version I found on Craphound.com, and hopefully the copyright holders will view my disregard for the common weal with equanimity (click to embiggen):

Some of the things I don't quite get (such as the reference to John Gorman) but most of the stuff I do get, as I said, a steady diet of Britcoms over the past never-you-mind-how-many years have paid off.

Technorati Tags: Map Satire, Map Humor, London Underground, London Tube, Transport for London