24 July 2009

[funnay] Looks Like Fish Time Might be Coming To an End Soon …

2167.As it turns out, the acquisition of The Onion by Yu Wan Mei Salvage Fishery and Polymer Injection Group might not be panning out as well as hoped:

Now, our most pressing concern is what to do with ream upon ream of useless newsprint, unfit even for lining the floors of a monkey cage.

Yet some dim light flickers still from a lamp fueled by the rancid oil of the midden cod: Our newly purchased, wholly unwanted newspaper is based in the United States, a nation that allows 15 percent “cellulose filler” to be added to any fish protein matrix used for frying—and frying is that very nation’s only method of fish cookery! Truly, for the agile business mind, fortune is a viscous, greasy medium, free to flow everywhere. With that in mind, take notice: the Onion newspaper is for sale.

Looked good on paper, I guess.

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