[pdx_liff] We Were Wierd Once … And Young

3394.

Seen in the Portland group on Imgur (http://imgur.com/r/Portland) where many nifty things both appalling and banal can be found:

Once upon a time....

We have come so far.

[liff] The 21st Century Kind Of Officially Got Under Way At Last Today …

3199.

… when America finally joined the rest of the planet.

Of my gay friends, I don't want to hear anything but you going off and enjoying your lives together.

Of those who don't feel as though marriage is something gay people have a right to … I just don't want to hear anything from you again. You have been proven wrong. History has proven you wrong. The Constitution proves you wrong.

And so it goes.

[teh_funny] The Gay Shipping Forecast, Transcribed

3015.

It's gone round the world and come right back into your face, though not in an embarrassing way.

Blighty has its own chorus howling about how tolerating Teh Gay has 'removed God's protection' from England's Mountains Green. It would seem that, similar to the hectoring warnings about increased meteorological and geolphysical travail that we get in America from fundamentalist teleministers, they get warnings that sound like mail-merge script in the UK.

Theirs is a man named David Silvester, a councilor in the UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party), a sort of British sort of Libertarian sect which advocates leaving the EU, and he wrote a letter to a local editor all but coming right out and saying that a spate of recent flooding may just as well have happened because of tolerance of gay people. This went viral and is currently getting the right sort of ridicule, which is hard and hilarious.

Nicholas Pegg (really, you don't know who he is?) decided to have a bit of fun and coöpted a UK broadcast institution, the shipping forecast. Brittania, of course, once ruled the waves, and the feeling of the UK as a great naval power has never waned. People who have no conception of even how to dog-paddle listen avidly to the shipping forecast; Fog in Channel, Continent cut off goes a famous line.

Here, then, the UKIP Shipping Forecast:



In listening to it, though, I was entranced by the cadence and the easy way with which the areas were ticked off and listed. I wanted to read along, actually, but the words were not to be found.

I have taken the liberty of transcribing them, because I love reading lyrics with a song, and this is no different really. With apologies to the author:

(music fades in, and out)

And now, the shipping forecast, issued by UKIP, On Sunday, the nineteenth of January twenty-fourteen, at twelve hundred UTC.

There are warnings of gays in Viking, Forties, Cromarty, Southeast Iceland, and Bongo Bongo Land. The general synopsis at midday: low intelligence expected, becoming Little England by midnight, tonight. 

And now, the area forecasts for the next twenty-four hours: 

Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire: southeasterly gay 7 to severe gay 9, occaisionally bisexual. Showers, gay.
Forties, Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger, Fisher: Women, veering southerly 4 or 5, losing their identity and becoming sluts. Rain, moderate or gay.
German Blight: Immigration veering north. Figures variable, becoming psychotic. Showers, gay.
Humber, Thames, Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth: Benefit tourism, 98%, becoming variable, later slight, or imaginary. Showers, gay.
Biscay, Trafalgar: Warm, lingering nationalism. Kiss me Hardy, later becoming heterosexual, Good.
FitzRoy, Sole, Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea, Shannon, Rockall, Malin, Hebrides, Bailey: Right or extreme Right veering racist 4 or 5 increasing 5 to 7. Homophobic outburst, backpedalling westerly becoming untenable. Showers, gay.
Fair Isle, Faeroes, Southeast Iceland: Power base decreasing, variable, becoming unelectable. Good.

And that concludes the forecast. And now, it's over to Ambridge, where Bridge Farm in still knee-deep in water, and the village is counting the cost of Adam and Ian's civil partnership.

(music)

What really impresses me about all this is the insight into UK isolationism, jingoism and hyper-nationalism and xenophobia this gives us. I'm so used to the sort which grows here in America that it always seems indescribably odd that another nation should go at it with such gusto and joie de vivre, but the insight that Nicholas Pegg's piece gives us is a strangely familiar one. By the tenor and substance of his jokes, we find that UK xenophobia is not all that different from America, as the UKIP-infected shipping forecast shows, the right-wing litany is rather the same, with prehistoric attitudes on women and utter fear of the immigrant moving in to take advantage of the advantageous features of the economy (that's apparently what benefit tourism is).

Plus ça change …

There are a few references worth noting. All the boldfaced names are sea areas in the seas adjacent to the British Isles. Names like North Utsire (ut-SEARY) and Fastnet roll of the British tongue quite fluidly but sound like strange music to the American ear. Two obvious jokes there, of course: "Bongo Bongo Land", being one, and the German Blight, which is a pun on German Bight, which is the name of the elbow of North Sea which abuts Germany's northwest, between the Netherlands and the Jutland peninsula of Denmark, kind of Germany's left shoulder.

The reference at the end is for a wholly remarkable Radio 4 program, The Archers which, at over 17,200 episodes, is most likely the longest-running serial drama on Earth.

Anyone needing to know just where these sea regions are geographically located can view the map here.

I'm going to listen to that thing a few hundred more times.

[liff] The Age Of Needy Condiments

2933.Seen in a local market in the bulk section …

I'm starting to think this recombinant-this, GMO-that food thing is getting a little out of hand.

Now, The Wife™prefers I eat fewer bacon bits because they're a nutritional (or lack thereunto) hit. I'm eat less of them because I don't like food that introduces itself

"IM BACON BITS"

Well, hello, bacon bits, I'm Sam. Nothing personal, but I'll just hang out with the cauliflower for a few, okay?

"IM BACON BITS"

Why, yes, yes you are. And adorable too. Honey? Do we still have visitation rights with the Parmesan cheese?

"IM BACON BITS"

Gaah.

And so it goes.

Signs You're On The Upper Tier #1: Tastefully-dressed Stray Animals

2894.That the monkey wandering Ikea in Toronto had a shearling jacket on is just a bonus.

Need we mention that it has not one but two mock Twittahs? I guess we just did.

(h/t Nothstine)

[liff] Morsi's Latest Album

2892.Due to drop any day now, unless his nemeses drop him first.

Why? Because I've heard one too damn' many Morrisey/Morsi gags, that's why.

Apologies to Attack Records and the cover designer of this disc.

[liff] Be Nice To Others … They Outnumber You 7 Billion-to-One

2716.Sometime today, the world will welcome its seven billionth human being. We'll never be sure for certain exactly which one of us will be #7,000,000,000, but, odds being what they are, it'll be someone in India.

If you counted out loud, at one per second, it would take you about 113 years to count to the  number 7,000,000,000.

7,000,000,000 seconds ago, George Washington was being inaugurated President of the United states.

I went to this nifty website mounted by the BBC, The World At Seven Billion,  and I found out this much about myself:

… so you can call me sir, thankyewverymuch.

No fair guessing my birthday from this. Have some couth.

So, take a moment. Celebrate. Have a Twinkie. And look with love upon the horizons before us … because, likely as not, you're probably staring at someone. And staring is rude, yo.

They say that seven billion people, if placed shoulder to shoulder, could stand on Los Angeles. Of couse, looked at another way, we could also say they could stand on Zanizibar.

And so it goes.

[teh funnay] Mormons Are Borg? Juxtaposition Funnies, #1

2706.Sometimes YouTube's related lists and the sponsored video work together to suggest disturbing connections which may (or may not) lurk beneath the surface of This Modren World. I swear the next screenclipping is not Photoshopped:

Now, you all know how these things work. You go looking for things and YouTube's engine (they all are engines these days, like you'd find them under the hood of the car or sommat) serves up suggestions based on whateverall it is you're doing. So, I go looking for videos about the Borg … and YouTube serves up a promoted video about Mormons.

Artificial intelligence, artificial stupidity, or artificial humor in dubious taste? You be the judge. This blog offers no opinion one way or the other on Borg, Mormons, or religion in any form, for what that is worth. 

[icons] "Get A Mac": Art Imitates Life Imitates Art Imitating Life

2610.They've become iconic: John Hodgman as the PC and Justin Long as the Mac. Over many years and between 60 and 70 seperate commercials, the buttoned-down, business-suited, bland Hodgman became a sort of PC-tan against Long's Mac-tan in the ultimate collision of American advertising and moe anthropomorphism.

Turns out that the incarnations are actually quite close to the stereotype.

An article on PC World reports than an unscientific survey run by a site called Hunch suggests that the stereotypes have basis in reality:

An unscientific survey by Hunch, a website that makes custom predictions based on your interests, shows that PC users tend to prefer fitting in with others, are less tech savvy, and prefer Hollywood films over indie films. The same survey suggests Mac users tend to throw more parties, are modern art enthusiasts, and would rather drive a Vespa than a Harley.

The real cosmic joke, in my opine, is that John Hodgman is actually a hardcore Mac user:

Here is the joke that is absolutely apt, though I once promised I would never make it: "I play one on TV, but I am not a PC." It is true. I am first of all: not a computer, but a human being; and second of all: a Mac user, almost exclusively, since 1984. There was a brief period in the wilderness between 1997 and 2003. Let us not speak of it.

Justin Long is an Actor whom, I presume, doesn't trouble too much about computers.

And so it goes.

[tech] The Return of the Commodore 64 - And More?

2604.Everything old really is new, again.

Meet the Commodore 64 again, for the first time:

With a new Intel Atom D525 processor and the ability to read DVDs and various smart cards/SD cards/Memory sticks built in, PC compatibility and modern graphics, this is not the C=64 you programmed on back when all your friends had Apple ][s.

It can support up to 4GB of memory. C=64 is a brand, after all. Good luck shoving that Photoshop into 64 KB …

While the case looks largely the same there's supposed to be improved key action, and the F keys on the right there have media control functions (FF, REW, PLAY, PAUSE, Volume up and down, et. al.) and a key I'd never thought I'd see on a C=64: Internet.

This isn't your old Commie. This isn't even your dad's.

A group has licensed the old Commodore name and seems to be quite serious about reviving the brand, and that includes the Amiga, as well as a line of VIC models that have about as much to do with the old VIC20 as a jackhammer has to do with a can opener. The site, http://commodoreusa.net, is a pretty place to look. They have amazing current ambitions and very lofty near-term goals. Not only will the new C=64 be "PC Compatible" (and that term is beginning to look dated but just works so wonderfully well here) but will also apparently have a legacy C=64 compatibility mode and they're going to be coming out with a "Commodore OS" which is Linux based (and there's nothing not to like about that).

But the problem in concepting the new C=64 wasn't so much finding components that would fit inside the classic form factor. No, indeed. The problem really was in coming up with the classic case color … seems Pantone doesn't have a "Commodore gray".

I don't know how much of a niche is available for the new Commodore USA - marketing tastes are famously fickle. This may fizzle - or it may take the country by storm. There is a significant market for retro hardware, or at least that's my impression. But that this company cares as much about exterior design as interior design (and went to the expense and bother) is a very Apple-esque attitude, and it bodes well. It may not dominate the industry but if they price it right, they'll sell enough to be a solid, sustainable, minor player, and I don't think that's bad at all.

Now if y'alls 'll excuse me, I got to jet: there's an Everything But the Girl concert down at the Paramount and if I don't leave know I'll miss the opening act …

[design] PDX Blue's New Design: Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?

2591.This is not actually the first time we've seen a design change in the Portland Police Bureau livery. Back before 1990, they had a very smart look, a simple blue stripe with the words "PORTLAND POLICE" inline, a Portland Rose as the centerpiece, and the tagline "Sworn To Protect: Dedicated To Serve" in a subordinate position.

With the redesign to the sportier design in 90, we saw the tagline go away and the nice, balanced design. I was sad about this; I thought the layout was well done, and the tagline was very classic police branding.

Well, times change and they're going to be doing new cars - Ford's retiring the Crown Victoria nameplate and the PPB is likely going back to the revived Chevy Caprice - and this calls for a new design.

The Oregonian has a summation of some of the shortlisted designs at http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2011/03/new_wheels_for_portland_police.html, and they are … interesting. There's variations on the classic black-and-white and some very daring designs; one features huge, pumped up tires, and a machine gun with distressed type beside it, and the other has flame coming from the wheels and the announcement Here comes the HEAT on the rear quarter.. My money, though, is on the stripe-design that they abandoned back in '90 to come up with the current look, but I'm a lover of old-fashioned things when it comes to things like Police. When it comes to branding for an organization that people should trust in, you should go with something friendly and approachable.

But that ATV with the back-mounted machine gun … that shows verve, elan, joie de vivre, and any number of abstruse French words that mean "risk taking".

[net] Available Just Now: Firefox 4

2588.Firefox 4 is due to be released later today, they say, but it's available on Mozilla's FTP servers now, reports SitePoint's Craig Beckler.

Go to: ftp://releases.mozilla.org/pub/mozilla.org/firefox/releases/4.0/, and choose your system, then navigate to en-US for the USA! USA! USA! version.

And good luck.

[pdx] Paula Deen Riding A Unicorn Spirit Over Portland, Y'all!

2576.Since Portland is known as a foodie town, and Paula Deen IS food, y'all, what would be more perfect than a union of the Deenzilla and the awesum unicorn spirit of Portland?

I know!

Your meme of the day: Paula Deen Riding Things. Here: http://pauladeenridingthings.com/. They even got Paulas you can insert into your own graphics and submit.

Which I have done.

[liff] The Company I Keep Get Acting Jobs In "Portlandia"

2559.

The Fred Armisen/Carrie Brownstein epic Portlandia is all the rage, as it should be. I just saw the "Farm" episode on hulu, as most of us have, and loved the overarching story … which is the damndest shaggy-dog story you ever saw, hitting some PDX-tropes so hard they get levelled.

One sketch I'll always remember, and not because it's so weirdly funny. The last full sketch, the hide and seek contest, has, as part of its punch line, a fellow who's been "hiding since 1979", and someone I'm honored to say that I've known for years and despite this has no problems being my friend, and that's Ed Stiner.

That's a picture of him over there on the right. He is a nice guy, and you'd count yourself lucky o know him, and to see him in a commercial here, a bit there, and an utterly cool bit of comedy like Portlandia … well, a lot of us who know him always knew he had the good crayzee in him.

Way to go Ed!

Technorati Tags: Ed Stiner, Edward Stiner, Portlandia, Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein

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[logo] Myspace: There's No "There" There

2555.

Honestly, I don't see how I missed this one, which debuted about two months back, but maybe that's just a sign of how many of us have moved on.

I never was a passionate user of MySpace (heck, that remark implies I could have been one, when in reality, I was so far away from that it's what they used to term a "toll call"). Absolute and honest truth, there were friends that I could stay in touch with no other way. I actually moved on quite some time ago.

I do recognize, however, that the Myspace (it's no longer CamelCased) logo - taglined a place for friends - was rather stale. It seemed almost 1995ish. I'm usually of the opinion that some logo redesigns are, like endless "celebrity editions" of game shows, a sign of a media in decline. That's not to say that some redesigns are timely, and Myspace was, indeed, due for one. So, they turned on the clever: and here's what they got:

Myblank. Yep. They took one of the most recognizable brands of the first decade of the 21st century and made it a question straight out of Match Game '74. And the BETA? Nice. Very 2004.

In the middle of 2008, I've read, Facebook surpassed Myspace as the premier online social destination. Regardless of what one thinks about FB, it's not too hard to see why. FB not only gives you a simple way to stay connected with your peeps on line but with a clean design doesn't tax the eyes, and the fact that the technology is extensible - with guides out there as to how you can create your own FB apps - mean that FB can be as many things to as many people as developers have the gumption to create (as Zynga has somewhat appallingly proved).

Myspace is always just - Myspace. Here's me, and here's the bands I like. And my website design skills, which are ass: just try to read my text over the hideously eye-bending, low-contrast anime/rock band wallpaper I've used for my background.

I was a member of Myspace but, trust me, I never surfed it. There are some things even I won't do.

But the flat of it is best illustrated thusly. Gertrude Stein is famous for having said, of her childhood hometown, Oakland California, "There is no there, there". Critic Sonja Streuber holds that this is because when Stein went back there to find her childhood home, but could not do so; therefore her "there", her old house, was no longer there.

I would say the same about Myspace. Whatever reason I had for going there has gone, and nothing on that site can - or will, judging by the trend, replace it.

There is no there, there.

The new Myspace logo has that, and how.

Technorati Tags: myspace, logo design, logo redesign

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[liff] A Video For Those Who Are Conflicted About Being On Facebook

2554.

I'm not the only person in the world, I'm sure, who, given all the news and FUD about Facebook, is more than a little conflicted about having an account there.

And Mark Zuckerberg as Time's Person of the Year? Heh. Can't deny the man is a canny success, but all he did was provide us with a new way to pish our lives away on the computer. I did not need any help there - though I suppose teaching the populations of the less-developed countries how to do it might be considered something of an innovation.

To wit, this video. Done with a riff on Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" video short, the video asks you to think, nothing more. It's not a preach, it's more of a warm, friendly rejoinder.

You know, the fellow might just have a point, there.

Technorati Tags: Facebook, Social Media, Social Media Trends, This Modren World, Liff

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