16 September 2016

[liff in OR] True Oregon Facts! Volume 1

There are a lot of 'facty' facts about Oregon. As a native son, I know quite a few of them. Additionally, as a native son, I know a great deal of facts about Oregon that are so true, so down-to-the-bone, that one actually has to create them.

When it comes to True Oregon Facts!, you've come to the right place. As a trained Oregon explainer, I am prepared to Oregonsplain them to you. Get ready to rock your knowledge of Oregon with True Oregon Facts!
  • True Oregon Fact! Oregon's current motto is "She Flies With Her Own Wings",changed from "The Union" (1957-1987). Other mottos we used include "Between Washington and California" (1901-02), "Pull My Finger" (Most Holiday Seasons Between 72 and 76), "Not Idaho" (Jun-Aug 1943), "No, Cut The RED Wire" (37-39), "Take the Red Pill, Neo" (Odd numbered months in 97), "Home Of Leverage" (Sundays 8pm, 7pm Central) and "Nadine, Get Me A 6-Pack of Beer At the Plaid Pantry" (incomes of $30K and under)
  • True Oregon Fact! The first mayor of Madras was a sasquatch. Her name was Nancy. Nancy Marie Sasquatch.
  • True Oregon Fact! Oregon's beta-development code-name was "uh, Clem".
  • True Oregon Fact! Ken Kesey was, in reality, a hobbit. Yeah, we know that one's a bit obvious maybe, but still.
  • True Oregon Fact! Wy'east, the original Multnomahn name for what we call Mount Hood, actually translates as "Suck it, Tahoma, YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!"
  • True Oregon Fact! The approach of the annual session of the Oregon Legislature is heralded by the State Senators and Representatives swimming up the Willamette River to spawn.
  • True Oregon Fact! Sam Elliott's mustache served one term on the David Douglas School District's school board.
  • True Oregon Fact! All of Oregon is in the Pacific time zone, except for Malheur County, where it's later than everyone thinks.
  • True Oregon Fact! Former Governor Vic Atiyeh's tears could balance the state budget without having to call the legislature into session. Sadly, he never cried. Peter Courtney wasn't having it.
  • True Oregon Fact! Legendary Statesman Journal political columnist Ron Blankenbaker, who passed away in 2011, was kept in a secure location whenever the Governor and the legislature were in session for the State of the State address, to ensure continuity of commentary should anything happen to state government during the event. Even today, it is said he sleeps, Charlemagne-esque, in a cavern beneath Mount Jefferson, ready to ride to the rescue of the state of Oregon when the need is dire.
  • True Oregon Fact! An original name for Seattle was "New York Alki", meaning, in a hybrid of emigrant and native, "New York, By-and-by", envisioning Seattle's prospering into a major metropolis in time. Similarly, the name of the original people of the Portland area, Multnomah, was misunderstood by settlers to mean "San Francisco, As Soon As We Can Sell The Land From Underneath The Natives And Jack Up The Rent."
  • True Oregon Fact! While Mount St Helens' historic eruption was thought to have been caused by pent-up gas causing a massive landslide, subsequent research by the USGS has suggested it was really pent-up resentment and aggravation over Vancouver's being treated as 'merely a suburb' of Portland for decades.
  • True Oregon Fact! The transmitter tower for KPTV Channel 12 was built, single-handedly by Ramblin' Rod Anders over a course of an 18-hour stimulant-fueled binge in 1954. There was nothing amiss about the stimulant; Rod was such an easy going guy all he needed were three or four cups of really, *really* strong coffee. Well, that and his super-human level of hustle. Reports of Heck Harper handing him up the materials remain unconfirmed for the foreseeable future.
  • True Oregon Fact! Gilliam County was created for the express purpose of aggravating Morrow County.
  • True Oregon Fact! Tom McCall, Oregon's legendary governor, wasn't a single Republican man but actually two small moderate Democrats and one liberal Republican in a specially-designed suit. That's why he was so tall.

That's the first batch. As you can see, you can know Oregon, or you can know Oregon … or you can "know" Oregon.

"Know" Oregon. Read True Oregon Facts! and don't blame us when if you don't pass your Oregon citizenship exam.

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