01 February 2005

[pdx_life] Ah, How The Mediocre Have Fallen

Good news: Mary Starrett has found work.

Bad news: It's about five seconds worth on Don LaPre's latest infomerical.

If you're normal, you haven't seen this carp because it's on the late^3 infomerical parade. I forget which local channel has it (we get it broadcast, baby!) but, sometime between 15:00 and 20:00, there she was.

I kid you not.

It's LaPre's latest brain spasm, somthing called The Greatest Friggin Vitamin Pill That You've Ever Damn Seen, I Mean, My God, Why Aren't You On The Phone To Me Right Now!?!?!.

Or something like that.

I've had a morbid curiosity about LaPre for years. I've also been a student of dodgy movements, such as LaPre's MLMs. Back in the 90's he got famous by asserting that all you had to do was place little classified ads in papers all over the known universe, and BINGO, you got checks rolling in to your PO Box.

Now they got this sovereign cure called "The Greatest Vitamin In The World". TGVITW is apparently made with the highest quality whatever-it-is, with Don himself marshalling up to one research professional to formulate this thing. For 35 or 40 bucks you can buy this package that includes a website that all people have to do is visit (if they can find you instead of the thousands of other entrepreneurs posting the exact same site) and you get twenty people to just try this TGVITW then...wait, I'm going to gesticulate here, clear the decks...


Then you have to CHOOSE between [sweeping gesture right] $1,000 UP FRONT! or [sweeping gesture left] $200, a MONTH, for LIFE!


Sorry, got carried away there. But wait, there's less! Do I come off as someone who's been burned by LaPre? Cards on the table, I've never tried anything from the mind of LaPre, but then, I wouldn't touch his stuff with a ten-foot battle lance. Go here, to Quackwatch and read about the checkered history of The Great Gesticulator, and you will then see why you should run screaming from anything he's promoting.

But hey, you don't have to believe me. After all, it's a freeish country, eh?

All's I'm saying is, hey, Mary, you've got to choose your friends with more care.

And, postscriptically, I wonder if Don LaPre could speak in public if you kept his arms held to his sides. I'm just wonderin'.

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