28 January 2008

[design_tools] You Suck at Photoshop. Because You Do.

1296. Good peoples, look upon the following label and evaluate its meaning. We do not use it in an ironic sense this time. We are entirely serious.

There. That out of the way, we've stumbled on what was previously thought impossible; darkly humorous tutorials.

You, according to Donnie Hoyle, suck at Photoshop. You just do. And he's going to decrease your suckitude. But Donnie, you see, has (as they say) issues ... hell, he's got two or three subscriptions. His wife is leaving him. She's unfaithful. He's impotent. He's going through a major league depression. He has a MMORPG-addled friend who's always trying to get him to drop what he's doing to go on a raid.

They all have supporting roles in the danse macabre that Donnie does whilst trying to teach you how not to suck at Photoshop.

Note well the little touches; the highly-indicative names on the example files; possibly the only use of the phrase "man-batter" you'll ever hear in a tutorial. It's more than performance art, though; these tutes really do deliver the knowledge goods. The paths trick in Chapter 4 is particularly good, simply brilliant, and useful.'

But the humor is dark and very savage.

You have been prepared. Good.

Here we go. You Suck at Photoshop #1 deals with warp, distort and layer effects to help Donnie get round a pesky restraining order:

You Suck at Photoshop #2 is subtitled "Covering Your Mistakes" and involves a kitty. No kitty was actually harmed in the making of this chapter.

You Suck at Photoshop #3 is about the clone stamp and manual cloning and has some dead-clever advice on how to to that. And Donnie tries to exorcise more of his personal pain – to no real effect:

and in You Suck at Photoshop #4, Donnie liberates himself with paths and masks, another dead-brilliant tip on how to elide a background ... but has second thoughts. Anyone out there know how to cancel an eBay auction?

Aw, damn ... you let your kids see this, didn't you?

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